


All too well

by Mika_27



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Getting Together, Haikyuu!! Manga Spoilers, Long-Distance Relationship, M/M, breaking up
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-15
Updated: 2020-08-15
Packaged: 2021-03-05 19:08:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,824
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25920358
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mika_27/pseuds/Mika_27
Summary: "They had a rocky start, going from rivals to somehow friends. They were two forces, moved by nothing else than their passion for volleyball."A story about Hinata and Kageyama falling in and out of love.
Relationships: Hinata Shouyou/Kageyama Tobio
Kudos: 20





	All too well

**Author's Note:**

> It was inspired by "All too well" from Taylor Swift, I borrowed the title and the quote at the end :)

They had a rocky start, going from rivals to somehow friends. They were two forces, moved by nothing else than their passion for volleyball.

Until a day of January in their second year. They had a post new year gathering with all of their teammates and Hinata somehow ended up staying longer at the Kageyama's in order to discuss a new strategy. 

Hinata could probably blame the weather for his awakening to his interest in Kageyama's defined abs. 

It was stupid, It was snowing heavily and they decided to go outside to freshen their minds. They ended up in a snow battle and considerably drenched afterwards. 

They went to the bathroom to dry themself. 

Nothing was different from the locker-room or maybe everything was.

Kageyama's sister was behind the door, telling a silly story about Tobio's childhood to embarrass him. They were undressing and getting wrapped in towels. Kageyama started to blush, shouting at his sister to shut up. 

Hinata was distracted, lost in his thoughts between thinking that Tobio's blush was cute and that he probably wasn't supposed to think that about his friend.

He blamed his confused state on their unusual proximity in the small bathroom and the hot temperature of the room.

What he couldn't really explain was the way bis gaze couldn't get away from his abs. They were the same abs as always. But something was new for Hinata, something that made his head heavy and his stomach hot. 

The siblings were still bickering and Hinata was getting ever more confused by every minute. It felt like something was boiling inside him, almost ready to explode. Kageyama started talking to him, he didn't hear a thing, lost in his thoughts. Suddenly a hand on his cheek got him back on earth, he lifted his head and his eyes landed on Kageyama's face. He noticed the way his brows furrowed, the heat of his hand on his skin and something cracked in him. He needed time, time to process what his body had realised but his head had still not caught up with.

Hinata ended up doing one of the things he did the best, he ended up running. 

He came up with an excuse, getting in his still wet clothes under Kageyama's surprised gaze. He excused himself almost forgetting his bike on the way out. Kageyama's sister told him to stay, that he shouldn't ride with this weather, but Hinata was already leaving. Kageyama took his sister back inside, mumbling about an orange-haired dumbass.

___

It took one spring season for Hinata to put a name on his feelings (and the help of a very embarrassed Sugawara during a visit). Love has been a foreign concept to Hinata until then. He never had a relationship or even a crush. He didn't know what to do with his feelings. Confessing didn't seem to be a good idea, Kageyama was too absorbed in volleyball to have time for something else. Hinata wasn't even sure he wanted things to change, he was in love but he liked how things were, they were spending most of their time together playing volleyball, talking about volleyball, which was more than he could ever have dreamed of. 

Summer came and went and now they were in third year. It was the beginning of fall and things were starting to get out of hands. Hinata didn't know what happened but he and Kageyama were constantly at each other's throat. It wasn't the cold war of their first year. Their disagreements were more heated, he handed up more than one time trapped between Kageyama's body and a wall. He tried to not think about how this turned him on but honestly now he was probably the one causing Kageyama to lose his temper because something in him was definitely yearning for closeness, whatever type it was. 

Unfortunately the team was suffering because of their arguments. Yamaguchi was doing his best at being a good captain but he was definitely losing hair in the process.

And finally someone lost their temper. Which honestly was a good thing at this point because they really needed to sort things out but talking had never been their thing. In consequence one day with some help of one first year too scared to refuse, Tsukishima locked them in the locker room at the beginning of practice, with the promess of letting them rot in their however long it would need for them to come to an agreement. 

Kageyama was already really pissed but Hinata wasn't one to back off from a fight.

\- Boke, because of you we are missing practice ! 

\- It's not like you are any good lately

… Which wasn't untrue but was a bit low of him, Hinata could admit. He knew where to push now, and he got the result immediately, Kageyama pushed him toward the wall and stared at him intently. 

\- What's up with you lately ?

Hinata had a list of answers but none of them he could really say since they involved them in the same situation but with less clothing. The time was not to love declaration anyway, Kageyama seemed gloomier than ever and Hinata could not see any good outcome to this discussion.

\- I should be one asking that ! You're snapping at me whenever you have an occasion

Hinata pushed him away for good measure. He expected Kageyama to be even more upset but he wasn't ready for the look of hurt that crossed his eyes. 

\- I'm shouting at you because you suck, Kageyama answered but it lacked his usual bite

Kageyama released him and sat as far as physically possible from Hinata. Hinata understood that he needed to do something but he was at lost with where to start. After a few minutes of silence, Kageyama started to talk, half-mumbling.

\- It didn't came to me that I was asking too much of you

It finally clicked for Hinata, and he felt like he was the worst person on earth, rubbing on Kageyama's old wounds. He came closer to Kageyama until they were sitting next to each other. He was choosing his words carefully and spoke softly.

\- I may have been a bit overboard, for a while now. 

\- Is it your way of saying sorry ? Kageyama asked, relaxing a little

\- Don't let it get to your head ! 

Hinata felt all the tension leave his body and turned smiling to Kageyama. That's when his heart skipped a beat, seeing Kageyama smiling shyly, a rare sight which made something tingle in his stomach. He thought "Oh that's it", he wasn't just lust, he was in love with Kageyama Tobio, and for quite some time if he was honest. After that, everything was a little blurry. One moment his hand was coming close to Kageyama's face, his eyes were spotting some fading traces of worry on the corners of his eyes. His fingers followed, easing his brown, tracing the corner of his smile. He missed a breath and before he could think, he closed the distance and his lips were on Kageyama's. As soon as he realised what he was doing, he pulled away. However, he was pulled closer by Kageyama, who circled his wrist with his hands, the other guiding Hinata's lips back to his own. It was their first kiss, it was clumsy and a bit shy but it was what they needed to know. They were not great with words, they prefered acts. This evening they found their own way to tell feelings between kisses and small touches. They were playing their own kind of music and were once more on the same pace.

______

Third year was a busy year. Sport wise their team was honestly one of the best and their chances of winning the tournament were high. This led to a lot of pressure, and if Hinata was not already suffocating with it, the mere thought of his future was enough to make him panic. He did not exactly have plans, he had ideas but all of his friends were looking at him like he was a bit crazy when he started to talk about Brazil. 

His relationship with Kageyama was a bit unexpected but in fact didn't change much, they were still always thinking about volleyball, always competing. What was new was the stolen kisses when no one was looking and the touches that lingered. They had not been on a date yet, but they weren't really interested in anything besides volleyball. What Hinata preferred was the study-sessions, when Yachi, Yamaguchi and Tsukishima left them alone and they left the revision to rebuild the shape of their relationship, skin on skin. It was also the little fear of getting caught by a curious Natsu which made his blood run hot, or maybe just the way he lost himself in Kageyama's gaze. He didn't know what he expected of a relationship with Kageyama, because he didn't let himself think about this possibility but he never imagined that he could be so soft. Sure, at school he was still shouting at him, calling him "Boke" more than anything. But when they were alone, his behaviour changed, he was all careful touches and soft voice. He never imagined this version of Kageyama but it was sending butterflies to his stomach. They were still snarking comments but they were a look of endearment when they were directed at him that made Hinata feel special. Hinata had never felt like he was precious, sure he was short, but he was energetic and outgoing. But those late afternoons Hinata learnt what it felt to be treasured, like he holded all the happiness in the world in his own hands. They never confessed, words were still too much of a big things for them, but one day, when they were cuddling on Kageyama's bed, Hinata half-dozing, his head on his chest, they fingers linked, Kageyama confessed shyly 

\- I'm happy 

Hinata waited a few seconds but Kageyama didn't seem to want to add anything.

\- Do I need to answer something ? He asked, yawning.

\- Boke, I just wanted to let you know.

He got to see Kageyama's blushing face so it was a win for Hinata anyways. He started laughing softly.

\- Oooh, are we getting sappy ? Is this a thing now ?

\- Boke ! Shut up.

Hinata started laughing more franckly and Kageyama took it on himself to shut him up. He had really effective ways lately.

___

Months of airiness passed, Hinata was more happy than he ever had been. Volleyball was great, studies were not bad and Kageyama was putting shine in every aspect of his life. Yes, they were sappy. They had overcome the awkwardness of the start of their relationship. Everything was great. So obviously something had to go south. It came with the annonce of the offers Kageyama received for teams after highschool. It was not a surprise, Kageyama was insanely good, he had catched the eyes of headhunters for a long time. Hinata was more than happy for his boyfriend but while they were talking about his options, Kageyama asked about the subject he had been dodging for some time.

\- And what about you ?

\- Ah Kageyama-kun, you know not everyone is as lucky as you with the offers, Hinata teased

\- Hinata, be serious here please. I think we need to talk about it.

\- Do we really need to ? Hinata asked, voice heavy.

\- You are leaving aren't you ?

Hinata looked at Kageyama, surprised. When they reached this subject he was always evasive. He had an idea, which was more than an idea now that he had pulled some strings and received some help from friends. But talking about it with Kageyama was scary because it would not only be an idea, it would be real and they would have to talk about other unpleasant things. But now he could not really change the subject, it was time for uneasy talks.

\- Yes, I mean … It's pretty sure now.

\- And you were not going to talk about it ? 

\- It's not that I didn't want to talk about it but it never seemed to be the right time ...

Kageyama was withdrawing and Hinata could sense that he wasn't handling the conversation really but he couldn't see how he could make it better. He would like to be honest but he didn't really understand himself why he couldn't talk about this subject with his boyfriend.

\- Am I not trustworthy ?

\- Why would you think that ? Hinata asked, searching Kageyama's eyes.

\- Why do you think ? My boyfriend had been talking about going overseas with anyone and everyone but me and I should not worry ? 

\- I haven't been talking with everyone ! Hinata answered.

\- I learned it from Tsukishima ! Don't you see the problem ?! Kageyama raised his voice.

\- I don't understand why you are so upset ! 

\- I feel like you don't trust me. What else am I supposed to think ? Where do you put me here ? In your future ?

Hinata has his heart on his throat, at loss of words. He tried to form an answer.

\- Hum … I ...

His hesitations seemed to give Kageyama the wrong idea because he stood up and gathered his things and started to live. It seemed to wake Hinata up because he tried to stop Kageyama by taking his hand. 

\- Wait Kageyama !

\- I need to be alone right now Hinata, please.

Hinata was struck by the looks of hurt he carried and let him go. He felt miserable and he knew it was all his fault.

___

Kageyama was obviously and very intently avoiding him. Which he had every right to, but it made it more difficult for Hinata to apologize. He was looking for every occasion to talk to him but unusually he never found Kageyama alone. He thought about sending a message but he felt the situation needed a real conversation.

He had to wait a week to find the right time. On Saturday afternoon all third years gathered at Kageyama's house for a study session. After a few hours of work Yamaguchi and Tsukishima left. Yachi stayed behind to correct their english works. When she was ready to leave, she exchanged a glance with Hinata, knowing things were tense between them recently. Hinata looked at Kageyama hopeful. The setter looked back at him, he sighted before turning towards Yachi.

\- Excuse me Yachi-san, don't you mind going home alone ? Hinata and I have to talk ..

\- Oh, no problem ! I will see you on Monday ! Bye ! 

She flew from the tense atmosphere, leaving Hinata and Kageyama in an uncomfortable silence. Kageyama suggested sitting in the backyard. No one was at home so it was rather peaceful, and Hinata felt Kageyama didn't want him in his bedroom yet. He could understand, it carried too many happy memories for the mood they were currently in. 

They were seated far from each other, Hinata wanted to touch Kageyama, to be able to speak to him, to see him smile. He started to say what he had prepared. 

\- I am sorry if you felt like I didn't trust you or like I didn't think about you in my future. The truth is that I wasn't really sure it would be possible until a few weeks ago. And then it felt too real. I won't lie, I am afraid of leaving. I was also afraid of what you were going to say about my decision and what it would mean for our relationship.

_"I was afraid you would ask me to stay. I was afraid I may want to say yes_." was left untold. Hinata waited a moment to see if Kageyama wanted to talk. He almost started to say other things when Kageyama answered.

\- I won't say I'm not hurt that you haven't talked to me about it sooner but I can understand why you did that. We never really talked about Future. Our relationship's future I mean. 

Kageyama seemed like he still had things to say so Hinata let him some time to find his words.

\- Well, let me be forward about it : do you want us to break up ?

It was like a bucket of ice was poured on Hinata's head. He jumped on his feets and came to face Kageyama.

\- What ?! No ! Do YOU want to ?

Hinata felt really idiot because he realised he was starting to cry. Kageyama looked at him and sighed before standing up and taking Hinata in his arms. It was not really a hug, more a patting his back kind of thing.

\- Don't upset yourself. I needed to be sure. I don't want to either. You were just so weird about all of this I was thinking maybe you didn't know how to ..

\- Don't finish this sentence ! Hinata screamed, hugging Kageyama.

\- You need to learn that not talking about it won't prevent it from happening. What are you ? A child ? Kageyama teased, but there was fondness to his words.

\- Humour me now, won't you ? I have been crying all week !

\- And now it's my fault ? Kageyama laughed a little.

Hinata moved away from Kageyama a little, wiping his eyes.

\- No it was mine, but I was really worried I lost you.

He paused before looking at Kageyama.

\- Are we fine ?

\- Yes dumbass. I can't let you alone anyways, you are a disaster. 

\- Oh such lovely words I feel really love, Hinata pouted.

-And you are. 

Hinata blushed, hiding his face on Kageyama's torse. 

\- We still need to talk, you know.

\- Kageyama, you are such a mood killer !

\- Well it can still wait a little. 

It waited until they reunited in Kageyama's bedroom. Reassuring themself with touches rather than words. They were cuddling, Kageyama's tracing patterns on Hinata's back. Hinata was doing the same things and Kageyama's chest.

\- You will say I'm killing the mood one more time but I really think we should talk. 

Hinata sighed but looked at Kageyama's before nodding.

\- Ok, party-pooper, let me get dressed and we can talk. 

Once they were dressed, they sat on Kageyama's bed.

\- Well, so we agree we want to stay together ?

Hinata nodded in answer.

\- Even when you will be in Brazil ?

\- Sure, I mean, it probably won't be easy, long-distance relationships exist afterall… I mean if you are ok with it ?

Hinata looked at Kageyama with hopeful eyes.

\- I will do my best, you are not getting rid of me that easily.

\- I will be back in Japan before you know it ! You will have to take care of me forever ! 

\- Forever is it ? That doesn't seem to be such a burden. 

Kageyama smiled softly, the kind of smile he seemed to aim at Hinata only. They went back to their routine, enjoying the last days they had together before adulthood.

___

Time passed too quickly and before they realised it, highschool was over. Kageyama didn't have much time to think before investing himself in professional volleyball. Hinata was not leaving before a month so he went to live at Kageyama's apartment. He thought they could appreciate their time together before he left for Brazil. The reality was a bit discouraging though, Kageyama was really busy and he was only seeing him late in the evenings. He could understand, but he was getting a bit worried. Who would be here to prevent Kageyama from working himself too hard ? He voiced his concerns, but Kageyama dismissed them with a smile.

\- I won't be young all my life, I need to make the most of it right now. You'll see when you are in Brazil and as busy as I am. It's tiring, yes, but it's so worth it.

He kissed Hinata which made him forget the protests he could have. Kageyama raised him on the kitchen-counter while talking.

\- Besides I know you understand. Volleyball is our top priority afterall.

I may have raised some alarms for Hinata but Kageyama's lips were back on his and his hands started touching him, he could even forget his name.

Hinata's departure for Brazil came too soon. He said his goodbyes to Kageyama in the morning, the other couldn't excuse himself from practice. There were no tears involved but Hinata's heart felt heavy when he was flying far from Japan. 

When he arrived in Brazil his debuts were rocky. He thought this country was maybe a little too big for him. He tried to talk with Kageyama every morning, jet lag was tricky and twelve hours was a bit too much to his taste. Most of the time Kageyama was a bit too tired to talk. Hinata understood, he really did, he had seen with his own eyes the tight schedule Kageyama's was working on and had no real right to be upset by this. He was the one who decided to go overseas, and it was maybe normal he had a hard time adjusting. What really bothered him, if he was honest, was that Kageyama didn't seem to realise that Hinata wasn't doing so well, or he wasn't talking about it, avoiding the subject. He didn't know which option would hurt him more.

Meeting Oikawa was a real luck. Hinata had never been this happy to see the Grand King. They played volleyball, talked japanese and Hinata missed home a little less. 

On Oikawa's last evening in Brazil, they decided to get out and drink. They were both a bit tipsy and started talking more.

\- So you and Tobio are still a thing ?

Hinata blushed.

\- How do you know that ?

\- You have been quite obvious about it if you ask me, Oikawa smirked.

\- To answer your question. Yes, we are still together.

Hinata wondered if he would stop blushing while talking about those subjects one day.

\- Nice to see long-distance relationships are working for some of us.

There was some sadness to Oikawa's words that left Hinata wondering.

\- It didn't work for you ? Why ?

\- You know Chibi-Chan, sometimes there is love but some people are just not made for long-distance, it tears them up on the long run.

Hinata couldn't come up with an answer. Now he could see that Oikawa was a sad drunk. He continued, his eyes a little lost, looking behind Shoyo.

\- Funny though, I had never pictured Tobio-chan as one of those long-relationship guys, he is too pragmatic.

Before Hinata could answer they were cut by the waiter and the topic was forgotten. Later, in his bed, Hinata thought that he couldn't really disagree with the Grand King and those words haunted Hinata's dream all night.

After his discussion with Oikawa, Hinata started to notice the signs : how he was always the one calling, how sometimes Kageyama didn't answer to his texts or how his answers were short. He had put it on Kageyama's personality but the more he noticed those things, the more upset he felt. It was he was the only one treasuring this relationship. He tried to voice his concerns to Kageyama.

\- I don't understand what you want me to do ?

Kageyama's voice looked so tired, and he seemed to get angry with their topic.

\- It's just .. I feel like I'm the only one reaching for you everytime .. Hinata tried to explain.

\- And as I said before, I don't understand what more you think I should do ?

He was definitely getting upset and Hinata was getting tired of this conversation.

\- You know what ? Forget it, he said a little bit too harshly.

All he had for an answer was silence, before Kageyama said coldly :

\- I'm tired. Hinata, Talk to you later.

He hung before getting an answer, Hinata watched his phone, tears menacing to break through his eyes. He felt his relationship was escaping right between his fingers, but it was like running after water, he couldn't see a way to catch it and bring it back. 

He spent the worst day ever, he was not focusing and made a lot of mistakes at work and while playing.

Kageyama didn't call this day. And the day after. 

In fact all he saw of Kageyama for an all week was a picture of him on one of his teammates' instagram. He was looking as handsome as ever at what seemed to be a restaurant, surely a post-match celebration. 

Hinata missed Kageyama's touch, his kisses, the way they could understand each other without having to talk. He would do anything to play by his side right now. 

He went to the beach to play, the contenders were good and he got so much in the match that he forgot about his heartache. He was laughing on the sand after a rather difficult receive that enabled them to score their win and simply thought that volleyball is fun. 

He was cut in this laugh by a memory, Kageyama from months ago saying "Volleyball is our priority afterall". At the same time his phone rang. It was Kageyama. Unusual, he never called in the morning (or at all, but he was just being petty now). He didn't answer immediately. If it was the discussion he feared, he would rather be at home to have it. He excused himself, saying a quick goodbye to the other players and went home. 

He hesitated over the phone, but he had to call back. Kageyama answered immediately. Hinata's heartbroke at his "hello" because he has never heard so much sadness in Kageyama's voice. He tried to say some words, but it was like they were all stuck inside. Maybe his heart was trying to go out and was stuck in his throat because he really felt like it.

\- Hinata ?

\- Yes. You called ?

It came out all wrong, his voice far too heavy. He probably wasn't going to survive this conversation.

\- Hum, yes. I'm not sure how I should say that, and I know it's not something you do over the phone but I feel like it's not working anymore. Us.

Like he had to precise it. Hinata tried to speak, while trying not to cry at the same time, but if his voice was any clue he was doing a really good job.

\- Why ?

Kageyama seemed to be embarrassed by the question.

\- It's not about feelings, I still love you but I feel like you are wearing yourself down with this relationship.

Hinata had never felt this upset. Kageyama could at least be honest, say that it was him who couldn't make it work. He owed him as much.

\- Don't say you are making this for me, you are just doing what's more convenient for you !

\- You are not listening … What I am saying is that we can't afford this much investment right now, it's breaking us down, tried Kageyama.

\- YOU can't afford, stop putting your words in my mouth. You are the one tearing us apart.

Hinata wasn't calming down and though he knew he needed his head clear for this talk, he was far too hurt to think clearly.

\- You need to understand me, I'm not saying that I don't love you, I'm just saying that now is not the better time for us …

Kageyama tried but he knew anything he could say wouldn't be well received at the moment. Hinata cutted him :

\- If you loved me you wouldn't do that.

\- I'm just saying that maybe, in a few years.

Kageyama's voice was a bit weird. Hinata wondered if he was crying too.

\- If you end it here, Tobio, you won't have me back, it's not how it works.

_It's not what I deserve_. But he knew that Kageyama had already took his decision

\- I can't choose between you and my career Hinata, don't make me.

\- I'm not asking you to do that. But you made your choice pretty clear.

Hinata's head was turning, he felt like he could almost throw up.

\- I'm sorry Hinata, I have to hang up. I will always love you, I'm really sorry.

Hinata wanted to throw away his phone, hell, he wanted to break it, like the state his heart was right now.

If he was honest, he knew for a while now that it would come to that. He remembered his discussion with Oikawa. Some people aren't meant for long-distance. 

You never die from heartbreak and the time will do his work they say, but to Hinata it felt like it was the worst thing that had ever happened to him, and maybe it was.

He was alone in a foreign country, how was he supposed to get over heartbreak over that ? 

It would take time, it would also take to throw himself in volleyball so much that he could almost have gotten sick of it (if he ever could). But he would. He still had friends, and family. He was getting insanely good at volleyball too.

And when he would be back in Japan many months later, his heart wouldn't be for Tobio's to take and break anymore.

_Maybe we got lost in translation,_

_Maybe I asked for too much,_

_But maybe this thing was a masterpiece_

_'Till you teared all up_


End file.
